No one dreams of a conversation in which you break the heart of someone you genuinely love.

You carry that conversation with you for days, weeks, or even months. You practice sentences in your head, put it off, search for words to soothe the pain, and eventually discover that those words do not exist.

Love takes many forms. We often think that the amount of love determines whether a relationship can succeed. That thought feels hopeful. The reality turns out to be more complicated.

You can love someone who is warm, caring, beautiful inside and out. You can be grateful for everything you have experienced together. You can wish each other the best. At the same time, you can discover that you do not truly reach each other.

• That is different from indifference.
• That is different from arguing.
• That is different from a lack of commitment.

It is the painful discovery that two people are both giving love, while that love does not reach the other in the way they need it. As if one person prepares chicken with love, while the other craves ham. The meal is made with care. Love is not lacking. Only the connection is missing. What one gives out of love is not what the other needs. And what the other desires is not what the first can give naturally.

I long for conversations in which thoughts grow beyond where they began. For someone who not only hears my story but also takes it further at the same time. Someone who asks questions, adds nuance, corrects me when necessary, and invites me to look again. At the same time, I long for the other person to take me into her own inner world, so that I, too, can truly listen to what moves, occupies, and touches her.

When that reciprocity fails to materialize, a loneliness arises that is difficult to explain. Precisely because love is still present The outside world often does not understand this. It sees two people who are kind to each other, respect each other, and do not blame one another. Then a separation sounds illogical.

Yet, precisely such a relationship can be the hardest to let go of. Not because love is lacking, but precisely because it is still there. The temptation to stay is great then. Out of loyalty. Out of compassion. Out of fear of hurting the other person.That feels kind, only honesty is ultimately kinder than giving hope that you no longer feel yourself.

The hardest truth I have learned recently is that saying goodbye does not always mean that someone falls short. Sometimes it means that two good people cannot give each other what they both need. That does not lessen the grief, on the contrary. Precisely when love is still present, saying goodbye feels like a loss that falls on both sides at once.

• One loses someone who brought safety, warmth, and loyalty.
• The other loses someone with whom a future was dreamed of.
• Then there are no winners.
• Nor are there any culprits.

Just two people discovering that love alone is not always enough to build a life together.

That is the saddest farewell there is.